TEAM TYPHUS

As opposed to the losers of Team Flatus, Team Typhus is comprised of arrogant narcissists, overstuffed jackasses and smug cock-o-the-walks.

They may smell better than the other team, but trust me: they don't deserve to win either.

Pathetic.

Solange

Hometown: Milwaukee WI
Occupation: So-Called "Actress”
Age: 30

So beautiful, so sexy! So what's she doing on Pariah Island? Simple: her career is in the toilet. But does she have more to offer than her looks? Probably not.

Tucker

Hometown: Corntown IA
Occupation: Male Model
Age: 25

The Network is under contract to have at least one male model in every program. Tucker fulfills that obligation. Yes, he'll take his shirt off.

Joan

Hometown: Peekskill NY
Occupation: Flight Attendant
Age: 35

Surprise, Joan! You're on Pariah Island! What's that? No one told you? You didn't actually sign up for the show? You'd rather go home? Too bad, lady. Now play the damn game and keep a smile on your face.

White Don

Hometown: Phoenix AZ
Occupation: Hunky Fireman
Age: 42

He's handsome, he's athletic, he's a firefighter, he saved babies from Ground Zero on 9/11. He's Christian, he's got a hot wife and a huge house. Hate him yet? We do!

Todd Michael

Hometown: Orlando FL
Occupation: Openly Gay Waiter
Age: 25

The Network also requires we include at least one gay waiter in every program, so Todd Michael is it. It's not tokenism or stereotyping, it's... no, actually... it is.

Gator

Hometown: Gainesville FL
Occupation: Sports Fan
Age: 33

Go Gators! This Seminole-hating sports fanatic is all about the Gators, and he will kick you in the balls if you disagree. That goes for you, too, ladies.

Reverend Jimmy

Hometown: Axel AL
Occupation: Baptist Preacher
Age: 35

Praise Jesus, we found a working minister who would actually agree to be on Pariah Island! There is a God! Let's hope He protects this pastor for a few episodes, at least.

Belinda

Hometown: Flinchly MI
Occupation: Cheerleader
Age: 22

Oh, yeah! She's a freaking professional cheerleader! You know that means there's like a 75% chance she's gonna get naked during the season! Aren't we smart?

JJ

Hometown: ??

Occupation: ??

Age: ??